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• September 23, 2024
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• Author: Chetan Bansal

CAN ANY RELATIONSHIP FULFILL ALL YOUR EXPECTATIONS?

Let’s understand the fundamental reason for expectations not being met in any relationship and what to expect and what not to expect in a relationship.

Expectations Fact Check

Always remember that not all your expectations can be fulfilled in a relationship, be it any. The number of expectations being fulfilled may vary from one relationship to another and/or within the same relationship and with the change of time. Still, no relationship is perfect enough to fulfill all your expectations all the time.

Fundamental Reason for Expectation Not Being Met in a Relationship

The fundamental reason for this is that every human is a unique individual having a unique mindset resulting in unique roles, purposes, likes, dislikes, and skills.

When the Universe has given you a desire, it has also given you the mindset, power, and skill to fulfill that desire. If your related person does not have the same desire then he is also missing the energy, capacity, and skill to fulfill that desire. That is why it is foolish to expect others to fulfill all your expectations.

Check these very few basic examples for your understanding,

1. If you ask someone who has never driven a car to drive for you.
2. Expecting fish to live on land.
3. Expecting man to fly.

Now you will say that these are very unrealistic expectations and only a fool can have such expectations.

Exactly this is what I am trying to say, that having expectations from others is foolish on our part because the other person’s existence has not been designed to fulfill your expectations.

Your expectations are since the other person has the same mind and body, they must have the same desires, likes, and dislikes as me.  And if they don’t have it, you think they are wrong. It is not about the same mind and body; it is about energy. If 2 people have different energy, they are bound to have different mindsets, roles, likes, dislikes, and desires. And every person on this planet has a unique energy.

The best would be to understand the differences between each other and to check whether your desires are aligned with your partner and whether he/she has the time, will, and skill to do so. If yes only then have expectations and otherwise not.

Also, we have so many expectations in our minds. It takes just a few seconds to dream of something, but can we achieve that same thing in a few seconds? It takes a few minutes to think and make a big list of goals. But have you ever imagined how much time, energy, and focus are required to accomplish those goals?

The other person is only going to invest that time and energy if his/her desire is aligned with your expectation, otherwise not. And nothing wrong with that, all humans including you have been designed like this. So, if you understand yourself, you will also understand the other person.

Lastly, just answer one question, till now in your life have you met all your expectations? If not, why do you over-expect from others? And if yes, you are a truly capable high performer. Then do it yourself and why expect it from others?

Genuine Expectation vs Genuine Desire

The expectations look genuine to you because your energy is aligned with it. This is a serious error in understanding, it is not your expectation, but your desire is genuine. So, the first thing you must do is to replace Genuine Expectation with Genuine Desire.

The Genuine desire is for you only and it might not be a Genuine expectation from the related person. Still, the other person out of love to make you happy, tries to fulfill that expectation. But as his/her energy is not aligned with your desire, he/she won’t be able to pursue it for long and sooner or later is going to resist and say no.

From where the seed of expectations came into my mind

The desire for expectations was embedded into your mind when you were exposed to fairytale stories that a Rajkumar or Rajkumari shall enter your life and fulfill all your wishes/desires. So, this idea has been deep-rooted into your subconscious mind from childhood. But nobody told you that it is “My Life My Desires My Responsibility to fulfill My Desires”.

And nobody told you that when the universe has given you the desire, it wants you to work to fulfill that desire. So, you must fulfill your desires yourself and not burden others. Don’t expect others to do it for you, if you do so you will only manifest frustration.

Do perfect relations exist where both are fulfilling each other’s expectations?

I think this is a temporary illusion that might be knocking your mind for two reasons

1. This might be due to the alignment of each other’s needs and expectations which is not common but a rare phenomenon.

Still, I can bet on this that sooner or later with the change of time their needs and expectations will change, and with that, the ability and/or desire to fulfill each other’s expectations will change. What will you do then?

or

2. They are fulfilling each other’s expectations even if they don’t want to because they might be getting something very precious from each other.

Like most couples, early in their relationships are sexually active and have a strong attraction towards each other. And they try to fulfill each other’s genuine or ingenuine expectations just to get sexual Favors. Most would not accept this fact but knowingly or unknowingly this is the reason for harmony in relations during the initial days. As soon as one or both people in a relationship experience a decrease in their libido, they stop valuing the other person. They start realizing and living their original self/nature. Then is the time they start saying no to each other’s ingenuine demands and expectations. This is the time when most differences between couples come up on the surface which are likely to remain as they are throughout life.

Is the other person not fulfilling my expectations intentionally?

Here you must understand that it is not the intention of the related person, but the limitations of skill and resources are responsible for your expectations not being fulfilled. They do not have the natural inclination to do so.

Everybody on this planet is a unique individual with unique roles, purposes, skills, and capacities. So, every human has been designed to play their roles and fulfill the responsibilities assigned to them by the universe. And if they are not designed to fulfill your expectations how they are going to do so, it is like working against their nature/universe.

This is the only reason when you burden someone with your expectations, you will witness a negative response from them in the form of anger and complaints. People unaware of this truth start tagging their spouse as bad, wrong, and/or irresponsible and even go on saying that the other person hurt them intentionally which is not true in most cases.

The fact is that Overburdening others with expectations will only create resistance, anger, and fights in a relationship leading to unhappy souls.

These fights in a relationship have ruined my life and I am in a continued state of stress, anxiety, and fear. It is also taking a heavy toll on my body and career/profession. I am in search of peace and harmony, what to do?

See you have two options

1. Either you learn to understand human nature, and differences in individuals, learn what to expect or what not to expect to maintain a harmonious relationship.

Or

2. Start living alone if you don’t want to understand and try to work for a harmonious relationship. If you choose this, time will teach you everything.

Option 1: What to expect and what not to expect to maintain a harmonious relationship

Thumb Rule: Perfection in relationships is not about getting the expectations fulfilled with perfection but not expecting what the other person is incapable of fulfilling each/every time.

1. Expect that jointly or severally you both must fulfill each other and other family members’ basic needs of food, shelter, education, and health. For this, you both must have clearly defined roles and responsibilities for each other.
2. In every relationship there is a written or implied role/responsibilities of every person. Expect the other person to fulfill his/her responsibility and not yours. For example, if one is earning money and one is managing a home, don’t expect the other person to manage both roles. You can ask for help and support to fulfill your responsibility sometimes whenever you are ill or when you are overburdened with work.
3. Do not expect perfection in other people’s roles/responsibilities but you can expect improvement. Try to remain happy and satisfied with what the other person is giving. And if you want improvement in his/her performance/output you need to encourage them with empathy without any blame game. Even if they do not improve, they deserve respect and acceptance.
4. Expect freedom of space and time to fulfill your individual needs, wants, goals, and desires.
5. Expect moral support for individual goals and personal growth.
6. Expect acceptance and respect for who you are, for differences of opinion, likes, and dislikes. But do not expect approval for the same. Always remember acceptance is your right and approval is another person’s choice.
7. Expect freedom of speech but don’t expect acceptance and approval of any type of verbal abuse or physical abuse.
8. Expect the other person not to force and overburden yourself with their expectations which you are not capable of fulfilling due to limitations of skill, mindset, time, and resources, and which are not part of your relationship role profile.
9. And lastly what you expect from others, you must learn and practice to give that to others first.

One last word, don’t be rigid with any relationship rules, be flexible enough in all relationships to act in a most empathetic manner in every situation. We humans are energy beings and not machines. We need a touch of love, care, and empathy in every situation and relation. And if we can do that, there will be no space left for expectations and thus disputes.

Always remember relationships are about helping and supporting each other without the use of any force or compulsion. For that, give freedom to each other and accept each other as they are. And if you cannot, you can never experience harmony in a relationship. Practicing that will automatically and naturally attract the love, care, and support you are looking for from your partner.

Conclusion: Can any relationship fulfill all your expectations?

1. No relationship can fulfill all your expectations all the time irrespective of anything.
2. It is not the bad intention but the limitation of mindset and resources of a person that makes him incapable of fulfilling all your expectations. People want to fulfill your expectations, but they have limitations.
3. Your desires might be genuine but expecting those desires to be fulfilled by another person might be ingenuine expectations.
4. My Life My Desires My Responsibility to fulfill My Desires. Why burden others?
5. The fact is that Overburdening others with expectations will only create resistance, anger, and fights in a relationship leading to unhappy souls.
6. Thump rule on what to expect and what not to expect for harmonious relationships: Perfection in relationships is not about getting the expectations fulfilled with perfection but not expecting what the other person is incapable of fulfilling anytime/every time.

The ultimate solution to all the problems in life is to raise your awareness and live a conscious life. For that, you can read the book written by me available on Amazon Worldwide.

Book Meet the Real You.

For an in-depth understanding of your mind, life, and relationships, you must read a comprehensive book on life named “MEET THE REAL YOU”. This will help in your personal growth, transformations, and thus harmonious relationships with self, other people, and the universe and thus succeed in life.

You can also read 2 more articles written by me to have a deeper understanding of relationships

1)    Valentine’s Day special| 9 tips for loving relationships.

2)    Reasonable and undue demands in relationships.

Wish you wonderful happy and joyous relations forever…

FROM THE DESK OF CHETAN BANSAL