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• February 20, 2025
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• Author: Chetan Bansal

I DON’T HARM OTHERS, YET THEY BLAME ME FOR THEIR UNHAPPINESS. AM I NOT FOLLOWING MY DHARMA, OR AM I TRULY RESPONSIBLE?

This article will help you to understand the deep secrets of the concept of Dharma, why people blame you, and what you can do about it.

What is Dharma and how do I follow it?

It is your Dharma to create a peaceful environment within and outside. And not to harm someone else or yourself. To follow your Dharma, you need to listen to your inner voice.

Your inner voice is nothing but your Unique Individual Dharma. Your inner voice is your life script that keeps guiding your response to every situation in your life in the form of thoughts.

Remember if you wrongly follow your thoughts from your disturbed mind, that will divert you from the path of your Dharma. So, the key is to follow your inner voice to be on the path of your Dharma. The key to listening to your inner voice is to remain peaceful in every situation.

You can read the previous article written by me UNDERSTANDING COMMON DHARMA, YOUR UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL DHARMA, AND METHODS TO ADHERE TO THEM to understand your Dharma and how to follow it.

Why am I blamed for others’ unhappiness when I’m following my Dharma?

If you are following your Dharma, even then there might be some people who will blame you for no reason. Some people in this world are like this only. Even if you don’t hurt them or don’t take any negative actions against them,

1. they will still be jealous of you,
2. they will be critical of you,
3. want to harm you or even physically abuse you.

Even if you are not doing something in their favor or against them but are just happy, they will start hating your happiness, become sad, and hate you. In this case, you have not done something to harm or make them sad, but they still become sad. How can you be responsible?

They do it for the following reasons

1) they want to compete with you,

2) want to be like you,

3) want to be superior then you,

4) want to control you,

5) they want to gain something from you.

They want to achieve success, growth, and fame like you but when they cannot, they start hating and blaming you.

In close relationships even if you are giving your best, they might still blame you. The reason for this is their unrealistic expectations. In their mind, they have created unrealistic demands and desires based on some other person’s life. They are unhappy because they have rejected the truth of their destiny. Moreover, they want their relatives- spouses, parents, or children to fulfill their dreams. They have forgotten who they are, and why they are on this planet and want to copy someone else’s life.

Let’s try to understand unrealistic demands first. The demands/desires not aligned with your present truth are unrealistic.  Those demands/desires that are aligned with your present truth are realistic. There would not be any demand for realistic demands because you already possess or own it. Demand only comes for things that you don’t have. The unrealistic demands come from the outside world and not from the reality of who you are.

For instance, you may feel dissatisfied with your small house and frequently express discontent or criticism towards your spouse for not being able to purchase a larger one. The idea of the big house comes from the outside world based on the mind’s activity of comparison with others and away from the truth of your destiny.

If a big house were your destiny, you would have manifested a different spouse. Or a better idea would be to earn a big house yourself. Or a big house might be destined for you in the future. Your constant critical behavior and zero appreciation toward your spouse might stop him from working hard, then how will you manifest a big house?

So, you better start accepting, appreciating, and loving what you have, or you might even lose that. A positive, loving environment in your mind is a must for your destiny to change positively.

They don’t realize what blunder they are making “Their demands are influenced by the life of others, and they also want others (close relatives/associates) to fulfill those demands”. What is their role in that, zero? Dreams/Goals/demands don’t belong to them, and they also don’t want to take any action to achieve those demands. Zero involvement will only cause frustration and people like this can only blame and complain.  

The only cause for their negative behavior is disconnection from their inner voice and hence not following their Unique Individual Dharma. When a person is diverted from his Dharma, he is miles away from truth. That is why he is not able to accept and appreciate anything and everything about this universe including himself/herself. This is the only cause of their unhappiness and habit of passing blame on others.

Common traits of those who unjustly blame you for their unhappiness.

If you observe them minutely these people have the following traits

1. They are emotionally disturbed and react aggressively to every small issue.
2. They are bad listeners, speak more, don’t allow others to speak and judge everything instantly.
3. They resist everything in their life, don’t accept and are unhappy about their life; its situations and the people around them.
4. Invariably they blame their close associates for their failures and complain about everything.
5. They think they are perfect and don’t need to change themselves.
6. They want to change and control others to fulfill their wishes and demands.
7. Even if you stretch yourself to fulfill their unrealistic demands, they still won’t feel happy and bombard you with another unrealistic demand, and you can never make them happy.
8. They have both inferiority and superiority complexes as they believe in comparison and do not appreciate the truth and beauty of the uniqueness of every life form.

The focus of these people is outwards and not inwards. Their life is moving from outward to inward instead of inward to outward, and are not following their inner voice but are influenced by the lives of others. They want to copy others but don’t want to accept and love their reality. So, they value others and disrespect or devalue what they have.

The only reason for this is they are disconnected from their inner voice and the truth of their life. Even if someone fulfills their unrealistic demands, still they will blame, complain, and remain unhappy because they have diverted from the original path of their life.

All in all, they have created havoc in your life by constantly blaming you. Always remember nobody can disturb your peace of mind. They can only do so if you allow them.

Should I break ties with them?

Some people ask me- should I break ties with them? I always tell them not to hasten into making such severe decisions. If you ask me personally, I won’t push someone out of my life unless he/she wants to go and/or force someone to remain in my life. I prefer to leave it to destiny rather than decide for myself. Give space and time to the other person or your relationship to change positively. Meanwhile, keep on checking and correcting yourself. Even if you don’t witness any positive change, again, listen to your inner voice to decide.

What actions should I take if I am unable to sever ties and they persist in my life?

For any reason, if they remain in your life, I think the universe wants you to train your mind to learn the art of ignorance and/or learn the art of handling such people and/or develop immense mental and emotional strength. Remember you are in such relationships because of your destiny and the universe wants you to learn, master, and bring about a positive change in your life.

You need to do two things

1. check and recheck that you should never divert from the original path of your life and keep listening to your inner voice (Following Unique Individual Dharma). 

2. How to handle them and/or how can you help them?

1) Check and recheck that you are following your Unique Individual Dharma

1. If you are not controlling, harming, or forcing someone to change for the fulfillment of your wishes, then you are doing your Dharma.
2. Even if you scold others to live their natural life or follow their inner voice, then you are doing your Dharma.
3. You are playing your part, or you can say you are doing your Dharma/Karma about them. But they still blame you then it is not you but they are not following their Dharma.
4. If they demand something that is out of your reach or unreasonable, then it is not you, but they have diverted from their Dharma.
5. If their demands are influenced by the outside world and they expect you to fulfill those demands, then they are a problem and not you.

And no person can succeed or be peaceful or happy in this world if they don’t listen and follow their inner voice or their unique Dharma.

So, dear if you are not harming someone else and they are unhappy with you, it is not you who is doing Adharma. They are Adharmic because they are trying to harm you by playing blame games. Always remember, a person connected and following with their inner voice can never blame or complain about anything in life. 

2) How to handle them or how can you help them?

These people are unaware of their reality, life script, and consciousness and have forgotten their inner voice. They have diverted from their original life path. They might have developed arrogance and will not listen to you.

So, you can try to tell them about this reality of their life—Inner Voice, Unique Individual Dharma. You can try 1,2,3 times. Most probably, they won’t listen and may even laugh at you. So just ignore them as an act of unawareness on their part and simultaneously pray for their awareness to awaken. Every person’s life has its path and timelines, and their time for awakening might come later.

And most importantly don’t allow their negativity to influence you or divert you from your Dharma.

You can also read the following articles written by me to have a deeper understanding of Dharma

1. UNDERSTANDING COMMON DHARMA, YOUR UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL DHARMA, AND METHODS TO ADHERE TO THEM
2. A Practical Guide to Fulfilling Your Dharma, Responsibilities, and Duties for a Successful Journey

In your quest to understand the deepest secrets of your life, you can read the Book “MEET THE REAL YOU”. A #1 international bestseller in multiple countries and multiple categories.

Book Meet the Real You

Understand the depths of your mind, life, and relationships. It aids personal growth, transformation, and harmonious relationships with yourself, others, and the universe. This masterpiece is a recipe to win the game of life and is available on Amazon worldwide.

Wish you a wonderful happy and joyous journey called life forever…

FROM THE DESK OF CHETAN BANSAL