Motivational Blogs
REASONABLE AND UNDUE DEMANDS IN RELATIONSHIPS
Not Reasonable demands but undue demands kill the relationship.
The very nature of humans is to give, help, and fulfill the demands of people in relationships be it parents, children, spouse, and other relationships.
The person only becomes sad whenever he/she loses the capacity to fulfill the demands of a relationship.
For example, if someone loses his job, the first thought that will come to his mind would be “How will I fulfill the needs of my parents, spouse, and children”.
He won’t think of “How he will fulfill his needs”. Regaining or maintaining his capacity to fulfill his family’s needs will always make him happy.
The very purpose of a relationship is to fulfill each other’s needs/demands subject to each other’s limitations. And it is very natural and normal for a healthy relationship.
The person feels happy if the other person conveys and communicates their demands. And feels even happier to fulfill them.
But if the same demand is undue, means something which he is not capable of fulfilling. That very undue demand makes him sad. And if the other person forces him/her to fulfill that demand, he/she becomes angry, annoyed, and frustrated.
Undue demands destroy relationships if not understood and controlled in time. Repeated undue demands will permanently damage the relationship.
So, if you are a demander, you should be aware of the limitations of the other person and be compassionate about it.
If the other person is not capable of fulfilling your demand, then it is your responsibility to work hard to fulfill your demand and not the responsibility of the other person.
And if you can’t fulfill your demand, accept the situation gracefully and stop burdening the other person with your undue demands. The other person has his own life, mindset, skills, and limitations and he/she is not a genie who is born to fulfill your demands.
Whatever he/she is giving to you, accept gracefully and be grateful to him/her and God.
So, communicate with each other to understand each other’s limits and respect each other limits. This is very important for a good relationship.
An example of healthy demand. If children demand a watch having a value of Rs. 5000 but limit for parents is Rs 2000. Then if the child gracefully agrees to reduce the range from Rs 5000 to Rs 2000, this will make the relationship good.
The purpose of the watch should not be luxury but to watch the time and I am not against luxurious products; you can buy the said watch but subject to financial limits. For example, if your family can easily and comfortably give you a Rs 15000 watch, you can buy it. This is a reasonable demand.
The definition of reasonable and undue demands keeps on changing from person to person, situation to situation, and with time. The only thumb rule is what is acceptable to both parties at a given moment and time.
Normally to make the other person happy people keep on compromising in a relationship and keep on fulfilling undue demands by overburdening himself /herself. This is not a healthy attitude.
The other person on seeing one undue demand fulfilled will demand another and will keep on demanding without any empathy for you.
And always remember you won’t be able to sustain this attitude of compromising for long and sooner or later you will be compelled to say NO.
Why make yourself miserable, learn to say NO to first and every unreasonable demand.
I can guarantee one thing compromising and fulfilling unreasonable demands won’t make your relationship healthy. Sooner you understand this, better it is for you and your relationship.
And once you say No either the other person will understand or reject. In case the other person understands then you are lucky and expect your relationship to remain healthy.
In case the other person rejects then it is a clear indication of a toxic relative. He/she might create emotional drama or nuisance and may even break the relationship with you. So, in that case, you should communicate more, and try to make them understand your situation. And still, he/she doesn’t understand it’s your bad luck and you should be ready for any negative outcome and gracefully accept the situation and keep moving forward in life with a positive attitude.
After all, you did your best and it is not your duty to keep on convincing the other person.
Reasonable demand acts as a catalyst for love and undue demands destroyer of communication, love, and connection.
From the desk of Chetan Bansal
